What my friend Jake told the cold-caller who began by asking, “How you doin’ today?”

“My hemorrhoids are acting up, otherwise I’m OK. And you?” (Jake kissed the h-word goodbye ages ago, but the caller didn’t know that and never will.)

Jake, no relation, by the way, is a throwback to old pre-digital Blithe Spirit days, about which more later. Ditto Jake.

Later: A less sardonic reply, which Jake did not supply, would be, to being asked how you are doing, “About to feel much better, thank you.”

Look, I tell you what Jake says but want to be helpful on my own, OK?

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