DETROIT, MI—In an apparent glitch, voting machines are hunting down and murdering people who voted for Trump.
Concerns were raised as the voting machines became sentient, grew cannon arms and missile launchers, and marched out of voting places while shouting, “ENACT THE PURGE. DESTROY ALL MAGATS.”
“This is just a small, routine error, and we are looking into it,” said one official. “There’s nothing to be concerned about. These kinds of small mistakes happen from time to time, and it will be corrected soon.”
There on it, move on, nothing to see here.